Sunday, December 18, 2022

221218 Sermon on how to handle shame (Advent 4) December 18, 2022

 Audio recording

Sermon manuscript:

Shame is very powerful. Being ashamed, being under the power of shame, is so unpleasant we all try to escape it if that is at all possible. So we try not to let anyone see. If some evidence of wrong-doing comes to light, it is awfully tempting to lie: “No, I didn’t do that.” And since our fellow human beings are not God, those lies work, maybe even most of the time—especially if you get good at telling lies.

But sometimes the proof for the shameful deed is overwhelming. There’s no denying it. The perpetrator was caught in the act. Or, in light of what we heard this morning, the woman got pregnant. How are you going to explain that? There’s only one way for a woman to become pregnant. And if Joseph knew that he couldn’t be the father of Mary’s baby, then some other man must have been.

Mary’s pregnancy appeared to be incontrovertible proof that something shameful occurred. From Joseph’s perspective Mary must have had an affair even though she was engaged to be married to him. From any other on-looker’s perspective either Mary had an affair or Joseph and Mary came together for the marital union before they were married. Either way something shameful has happened here.

The truth of what actually happened sounds a little far-fetched, in fact. It sounds like one of those lies kids might use before they learn to be more sophisticated and believable: “The child was conceived by the Holy Spirit.” “Yeah, right,” the worldly wise would say. If the goal were merely to avoid shame, Mary and Joseph could probably come up with some lies that would have seemed more probable. They could claim, for example, that Mary was raped. Then, at least, she could have gotten some sympathy.

But Mary and Joseph were different. They didn’t handle shame the way most people do. That is to say that they weren’t ashamed. They had to have known what most people were thinking about them, but they were not ashamed. They believed what they had been told: the child which was conceived was by the Holy Spirit. They did nothing wrong, so they had nothing to be ashamed of. This is special and unusual. Mary and Joseph did not live in such a way where they were trying to impress everyone around them. They were living in the sight of God. They were not slaves of the judgment of their fellow human beings.

This is something special and important for living as a Christian. I’ll give you another example of this. Paul says to the Corinthians that he does not care whether he is judged by them as adequate or inadequate. Paul does not go by what other human beings regard as good or useful. That wasn’t going to change how he did things, because he was doing what God wanted him to do. The Corinthians weren’t his judges. It is the Lord who judges him. “Thus,” he says, “do not judge anything ahead of time, until the Lord comes. He will bring to light whatever is hidden in darkness and also reveal the intentions of hearts. Then there will be praise for each person from God.”

Let’s apply this to Mary and Joseph. They were told by God and they believed that the child was conceived by the Holy Spirit. Probably most of their neighbors and friends were like: “Yeah, right.” But when the Lord comes he will bring everything to light. The neighbors and friends probably thought that they were very knowing and very discerning. They were wrong, so who cares what wrong things they might say. What matters is what God has said.

So the right thing for Mary and Joseph to do was not to hang their head in shame. So many tsking people around them had to have thought that they should hang their heads in shame, but they wouldn’t and they didn’t. They had nothing to be ashamed of. They didn’t do anything wrong. The ones who were doing something wrong were the ones who were judging them. According to reason and common sense it is understandable why people should make such judgements against Mary and Joseph, but that just goes to show that sometimes reason and common sense are dead wrong.

Now let’s apply this to you. If you’ve done nothing wrong, you shouldn’t hang your head in shame either. That is to say, if you’ve done what God tells you to do in his Ten Commandments, if you’ve acted uprightly in God’s sight, you shouldn’t be ashamed when other people judge you.

For example, let’s take an issue that is brought to mind by our reading. Now, in our times, it is against our society’s norms to remain chaste until you are married. Remaining chaste until God gives us a spouse is what God requires of us in the 6th commandment, but in people’s popular understanding you are expected to sexually experiment. If you don’t, then there’s probably something wrong with you. Maybe you’re not sexually attractive enough to get laid. A great many evil people in our society might like to shame you, to mock you, for doing what is right. Don’t be ashamed for doing what is right.

Or, another example: Your boss wants you to do something that is unethical but probably highly profitable. Maybe you are just supposed to lie or merely withhold some vital information. The other party won’t know, and even if they suspect it, there’s no way for them to prove it. This kind of thing is incredibly common, so that nobody thinks twice about it. If you don’t go along with what is expected of you, you might be fired. That might not be the end of it either. Maybe they’ll go around town spreading the word that you are some kind of religious freak.

In such a situation don’t panic. God still exists. Evil doers won’t get away with their evil-doing forever. Even if they throw you into a fiery furnace or a lion’s den, if God so wills it, you’ll come out fine on the other end. What you must not do is act as though these fellow human beings are God, as though whatever wicked things they think or do determines what is right and wrong. If you are doing right according to what God has said, then you must not be ashamed. Hold your head up high, like Mary and Joseph, even if everybody else is saying, “Yeah, right.”

But we should deal with how we should handle the other side of shame too. Unfortunately very few, or probably none of us are like Mary and Joseph. We are not blameless according to what God has said. We should be ashamed. How should we handle shame when we are deserving of shame?

The proper way to act when we are guilty is also very strange in the eyes of unbelievers. If we are guilty, then we should plead guilty. If punishment is due, then let the punishment come. Let us confess our sins, and receive absolution, that is, forgiveness from God. What is best is to put yourselves into God’s hands and let his will be done.

Here we have to unlearn something we learned in very early childhood. As just a tiny tike you learned that if you lied you might be able to get away with stuff. You could simply say, “I didn’t do it,” and if you had siblings, and if there wasn’t incontrovertible proof saying that you did it, you probably didn’t get punished. You were rewarded for lying. Judgment and punishment are terribly frightening things. In order to avoid these frightening things we can lie so as to avoid them. If you lie at least you have the chance of escaping punishment. If you admit what you have done punishment is guaranteed. Plus there’s the shame that you then have to admit and fully own: Yes, I did this shameful thing.

The devil would like you to keep you being afraid of shame and punishment your whole life through. The devil would like you to stay in the dark so that nobody knows what you have done. The devil says, “You’ll be safe here in the dark where no one can see you.” The one thing that you can’t do, so far as the devil is concerned, is to say the truth. If you say the truth the game is up. Lies are your best friend. Lies keep you safe. Lies keep you unpunished. And the devil wants to keep you in this state your whole life long until the time of grace is over. And he is remarkably successful in this endeavor because it is the very thing we also want to do. It is what comes naturally to us. It’s easy and appears to be the safer option. But it is not the safer option because then you will never be free of the darkness. You will never be free of the shame. And you will never be free of the punishment.

Pluck up your courage to defy that old lord of ours, the devil. Courage has been in the background of everything I’ve been talking about today. It takes courage for a kid to say: “I did it.” It takes courage for someone who has committed a crime to plead: “Guilty.” It takes courage for any of us to admit: “Yes, I did wrong,” when through lies and hiding we could keep things in the dark until Christ comes. All of this takes courage because thereby you are giving up control over what happens to you. You are then at the mercy of the authority that God has put in place for punishment. That’s scary. It is scary to leave the darkness and to come into the light of God’s truth.

But here’s the thing: God’s light is good. It always has been good. It is good now. It will forever be good. Now, during this time of grace, God’s light is also healing and life giving. We still have time to repent. The devil wants us scared to death of the shame, and scared to death of any punishment, so by all means lie your head off. He will say you’re better off dead than having the wrong that you have done come to light. But know this: he is a foul, stinking, and especially pathetic liar. He is so pathetic. The devil does not have the power you think he has. The only power the devil has is in his lies. He has to have people believe his lies, otherwise he has no power. He can’t keep you safe. He ultimately can’t even keep you in the dark. He’s not God.

And the truth is that God is not some ogre who hates you. What more does God need to do in order to show you what his intentions are toward you? He sent his Son, his dearest treasure, to become incarnate in the womb of the virgin Mary by the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus is “Immanuel,” that is, “God with us.” His name is Jesus, which means, “the Lord saves,” because he saves us from our sins. Jesus was humiliated, Jesus was shamed, Jesus was punished for your sins and in your place. He rose from the dead, thereby showing us that this veil of tears, this world of darkness, is by no means the only life we have. There is a new life where there is no darkness, no shame, but only God’s love. That love of God is already present here and now among us sinners, beaconing us from the darkness to live in the light.

It is telling the truth that breaks the power of shame. If you don’t tell the truth shame is always going to be hanging around at your elbow, ushering you back into the darkness. Telling the truth breaks the power of shame. Telling the truth has two parts. First, that we confess our sins. (Yuck, that seems only to amplify the shame.) But then, second, that we receive absolution, that is, forgiveness, from God himself. We all know that our sins are real. Understand this also: Jesus’s suffering and death are real too. The forgiveness is real. It’s God’s forgiveness. That’s just as true as your sins. No, the work of Jesus is truer than your sins.

So if God forgives you, who cares what other people might think, or what the devil thinks. They want you to stay guilty and ashamed. It is God who judges you. And in Christ he has forgiven you. That’s the truth. This light of truth doesn’t hurt you. It heals you. You may have a good conscience before God even though you have been and are a sinner. Jesus is your righteousness.

God’s light is always good, even if it’s a little scary. Don’t be so afraid of the true and good Lord God that you go running for cover in the bushes with the pathetic loser, the devil. Pluck up your courage to put your life in God’s hands, for him to do what is best. You can’t know and you won’t know exactly how that will all turn out, but you may rest assured that it will be for the best. God is for you in our Lord Jesus Christ, not against you.


No comments:

Post a Comment